


the more to celebrate

by vype



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 05:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1458337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vype/pseuds/vype
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TG: ok so listen up we got a whole lot of shit to get done and we gotta get it done today<br/>TG: so first order of business<br/>TG: we got to make a fucking cake<br/>TG: and when i say cake i mean the most succulent moist cream of the crop dessert that has ever graced this pathetic excuse for a meteor<br/>TG: its gonna be the king of cakes<br/>TG: the cake overlord<br/>TG: so much red velvet up in this bitch<br/>tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.<br/>TT: Dave, your metaphors are getting away from you again.</p>
<p>----------</p>
<p>Happy birthday, John!</p>
            </blockquote>





	the more to celebrate

**Author's Note:**

> so this is kind of a rushed birthday present for john! i ended up writing this in the last hours of 4/13 so it's pretty rushed and stuff, but i still wanted to put it up here. anyway, happy 4/13 to everyone!

\--  turntechGodhead  [ TG ] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board where doing it man where MAKING THIS HAPEN --

TG: ok so listen up we got a whole lot of shit to get done and we gotta get it done today  
TG: so first order of business  
TG: we got to make a fucking cake  
TG: and when i say cake i mean the most succulent moist cream of the crop dessert that has ever graced this pathetic excuse for a meteor  
TG: its gonna be the king of cakes  
TG: the cake overlord  
TG: so much red velvet up in this bitch  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.  
TT: Dave, your metaphors are getting away from you again.  
TT: And, correct me if I'm mistaken, but doesn't John dislike baked goods?  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.  
CG: YOU'RE PLANNING TO GIVE EGBERT SOMETHING HE HATES ON HIS OWN WRIGGLING DAY?  
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS HUMAN DISEASE CALLED FRIENDSHIP WORKS BUT I'M PRETTY FUCKING SURE THAT'S NOT IT.  
TG: you just dont appreciate the irony  
TG: and for the last time friendship is not a disease  
TG: friendship is magic  
CG: DAMN STRAIGHT I DON'T GET THAT BULLSHIT YOU CALL IRONY. AND MAGIC ISN'T REAL. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH HERE?  
TT: Ignoring my dear brother's odd choice of entertainment, generally it's traditional to bake a cake for a birthday celebration.  
TT: However, there are some complications in this instance as John has previously made his distaste for baked goods rather vocal.  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo.  
GA: This Does Seem To Complicate Matters  
TG: nah shit aint complicated we just gotta make a cake  
TG: alchemize a cake  
TG: whatever man so long as we get that cake done  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.  
GC: PO1NT OF CONT3NT1ON! WH1L3 1 H4V3 NO OBJ3CT1ON TO F33D1NG TH3 JOHN HUM4N C4K3 HOW 4R3 W3 GO1NG TO G3T 1T TO H1M HMM??  
GC: DO3S THE D3F3NS3 H4V3 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y TO TH1S??  
PAST gardenGnostic [PGG] 8765 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PGG: dont worry i got this!  
CG: WHAT.  
GA: What  
GC: WH4T  
TT: Jade. As pleasant as it is, this is... rather unexpected.  
PGG: well dave just told me a couple minutes ago about whats going on so i could figure out how to teleport your stuff over  
PGG: oh yeah dave i should probably tell you that youre going to miss your target by about ten hours  
TG: what come on i wouldnt miss  
TG: jade youre a lying liar who lies  
PGG: :P  
PGG: tell that to your future self buster!!!  
PGG: ok maybe past self or what??  
PGG: your time travel thing is soooo confusing!!!!!! :o  
TT: I hate to cut in, but does the Dave with you right now say anything about what we prepared?  
PGG: noooope :P  
PGG: he just says that its the most awesome ironic shit ever  
CG: FIGURES THAT ANY VERSION OF STRIDER WOULD BE AN UNHELPFUL ASSHOLE.  
PGG: anyways he just said that youre going to finish in three hours so im gonna be ready to teleport everything by then!  
PGG: just put it on the transportalizer and ill make sure it gets to john  
PGG: or dave is gonna make sure ill get it to johns future self  
PGG: or to your current john  
PGG: bluuuhhhh time travel sucks!!!  
TG: you shut your mouth harley time travel is awesome  
PGG: is not!  
TG: is  
PGG: not!!!  
GA: As Amusing Yet Childlike As This Exchange Is I Believe We Only Have A Few Hours To Finish Preparations  
GA: And At The Start Of This Memo You Implied There Was More To Do Than Just Making A Cake  
GA: So I Would Like To Suggest That We Get Started  
GC: OBJ3CT1ON SUST41N3D!! TH3 JURY W1LL C34S3 D3L1B3R4T1ON 4ND PROC33D TO TH3 F1N4L V3RD1CT  
GC: TH3 D3L1C1OUS CHOCOL4T3Y V3RD1CT  
CG: BEST SUGGESTION I'VE HEARD ALL PERIGREE.  
PGG: ok!! ill get ready then! see you in three hours!!  
PGG ceased responding to memo.  
TT: Well Dave, it seems that you get your way. We are apparently making a cake.  
TG: hell yes  
TT: And what else did you have in mind for John's birthday present?  
TG: its gotta be something cool  
TG: something so awesome itll blow his little derpy mind  
TG: were gonna write him a birthday rap  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: NO WE'RE NOT.  
TT: Generally, a regular card with messages on it is heartfelt enough.  
TT: Though given your own proclivities, I should have suspected that this was what you were planning.  
TT: Why don't we each individually write something and send them all together?  
GA: That Sounds Reasonable  
GC: Y34H OK  
CG: FINE.  
TG: all right its cool  
GA: One Question  
TT: Yes, Kanaya?  
GA: Who Will Alchemize The Cake  
FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 2 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
TC: dont you get your worry on motherfuckers i got this.  
TC: I FUCKING GOT THIS.  
TG: what the fuck  
TG: what is he doing here  
TT: What.  
GC: HOW D1D YOU G3T ON TH1S M3MO  
GA: ...  
CG: GAMZEE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  
TC: this cake is made of motherfucking miracles.  
GA: Excuse Me A Moment  
CG: KANAYA, STOP THAT THIS INSTANT.  
CG: I CAN HEAR YOUR CHAINSAW FROM HERE.  
CG: DON'T THINK I CAN'T.  
TG: whoa slow down there  
TG: as much as giant murderclowns creep me out hes already part of the timeline  
TG: no need to make this one a doomed timeline  
TG: shits hard enough as it is  
GA: I Do Not Know What You Are Talking About  
GA: I Was Merely Touching Up My Makeup  
GC: K4N4Y4 YOU 4R3 4 T3RR1BL3 L14R  
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL YOUR D3C31T THROUGH TH3 SCR33N  
TC: NO ONE'S GONNA UP AND KILL NO ONE ELSE ON THIS ROCK, MY JADESIS.  
TC: no one.  
TC: ALL WE GOT IS THIS MIRACLE CAKE.  
TC: its made of stars and tears and all these beautiful colors.  
CG: GAMZEE, DON'T YOU DARE PUT ANY BLOOD IN THE CAKE.  
GA: Blood In The Cake You Say  
TG: ...  
TT: Kanaya, perhaps we can bake you a separate cake. John would not likely react well to the presence of troll blood in his.  
TT: Or any blood at all, really.  
GA: Ah  
GA: My Apologies I Forgot Myself For A Short While  
CG: AND DON'T PUT ANY SOPOR IN EITHER.  
TC: all of these miracles my palebro.  
TC: ALL THE FUCKING MIRACLES.  
FTC ceased responding to memo.  
TG: well that was freaky as shit  
GC: T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T  
TT: Why don't we begin writing now? I'm sure you need the time to come up with a suitable rap, brother mine.  
TG: yeah fine  
TG: lets go kiddos chop chop  
TG: so many raps to write so little time

TG  closed memo.

-

> Be the Birthday Boy

Jade's been particularly squirmy for the past few hours. You only notice it because she couldn't sit still for your third viewing of Con Air, constantly wiggling in her seat and sneaking glances left and right. She also hasn't spoken to you for the past hour and a half or so, which is truthfully what worries you the most; normally she can't resist snarking at least a little bit at whatever movie you choose, no matter how much of a cinematic masterpiece it is.

Davesprite also seems rather distracted, though he always is when it comes to your movie nights. You only realize there's something different about this because Jade's behaving so weirdly.

The ears atop Jade's head wiggle slightly, and suddenly an enormous grin spreads across her face. She sits absolutely still.

Okay, that's enough freakiness for one night. "Uh, Jade?" you ask hesitantly. "Is everything-"

_SPLAT!_

"Ha!" You vaguely hear Jade giggle through a thick layer of cream. "Still got it!"

"Jade?" you ask. It comes out mostly muffled, and you distinctly taste chocolate. Betty Crocker chocolate cake mix. Bluuuuhhh.

"Happy birthday John!"

All of a sudden there are two more pairs of hands- well, one pair of hands and another pair of talons- helping you brush off the worst of the cake. Your glasses are smeared in gooey bits of terrible chocolatey dessert. With a grimace, you slide them off your face and try to start cleaning them on the hood of your outfit.

Davesprite licks some cake off his fingers. "Hmm. Not bad."

"Jade! What was that for?" you complain. Aargh stupid cake isn't coming out of your glasses-

"It was Dave's idea!"

That basically stops your brain. "Dave?" You glance to Davesprite, who raises his hands.

"That Dave. Not me-Dave." There's still a lingering sort of bitterness in his voice, but he still cracks a tiny smile and pats you on a relatively clean shoulder. "Happy birthday, dude."

"And we got some other things too!" Jade reaches down to the floor to pick up a stack of cards that you hadn't noticed before. "Here! Read them! We couldn't really get you a proper present, but we still hope you like it."

"Bwuh?"

Jade shoves the cards into your hands, and nods very perfunctorily. "Make sure you read them in order!" she commands, pointing a finger in your face. "Davesprite and I are going to go for a while so you can have some privacy while you read them."

And with that said, Jade hooks an arm around Davesprite's, and tugs him out of the room. He glances back to you one more time, gives you a small one finger salute, and then is gone.

Well. You probably should get started on reading these, then. Half of them seem to be written with chalk on small notecards.

==>

hey john  
i told everyone else i was going to write some birthday raps for you but that doesnt seem like the kind of thing i should do  
i mean shit its been a year since i last saw you and your derpy glasses and your buckteeth and shit  
hope you liked the cake this shits totally ironic am i right  
but dont actually eat it the weird juggalo guy made it and i don't trust him  
hes really fucking creepy  
dont trust clowns man  
and if harley says anything to you about messing up ignore her  
but thats not what i wanted to say to you  
i just want to say that youre my best bro and you always will be  
weve gone through this piece of shit game together and a lot of pointless stupid things that shouldnt have happened did and you didnt deserve even a quarter of what sburb put you through  
youre a good person  
youre a hero  
happy birthday john  
you deserve it

==>

Hello, John. It's been a while since we spoke with each other, hasn't it? I'll try to keep this brief; I know you don't have much tolerance for me when I begin to get rather long-winded. You had best savor this message, as it is likely the most direct that I will be with you for the foreseeable future.

You have always been a great friend to me, John, and the value I place in our relationship is beyond quantification. I miss you and Jade very much, and I truly wish we were all together so that we may properly celebrate your birthday. It is truly an honor to be considered among your friends.

I hope this message finds you well. Have a happy birthday, John.

==>

HEY EGBERT. SO IT'S YOUR WRIGGLING DAY. HAVE A GOOD WRIGGLING DAY AND ALL THAT. YOU'RE NOT THAT BAD FOR A PUNY HUMAN ALIEN I GUESS. EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE SOMETIMES SO PAN-ROTTINGLY STUPID THAT I WONDER HOW YOU EVEN MANAGED TO REACH PUBERTY. I DON'T REALLY CARE WHETHER YOU GET THIS MESSAGE OR NOT BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST HARLEY ENOUGH TO NOT FUCK UP THE DELIVERY, BUT IF YOU DO READ THIS THEN I GUESS I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT THAT MUCH OF A FUCK UP AS A FRIENDLEADER. SO. YEAH.

~~i guess its fine if we met up or something later on in the new session~~

HAVE A GOOD WRIGGLING DAY AND FUCK YOU PLATONICALLY.

==>

Hello  
H3Y  
I Hope You Do Not Find It Strange That We Both Decided To Write You A Message In This Manner  
I Fear That We Are Not So Familiar With You As Are The Others  
1 GU3SS YOUR3 SORT OF COOL FROM WH4T TH3 COOLK1DS B33N S4Y1NG  
3V3N THOUGH YOUR MINTY BLU3 1S NOT 4S 4PP3T1Z1NG 4S C4NDY R3D  
Rose Speaks Very Highly Of You And Though He Does Not Admit It So Does Karkat  
Y34H  
K4RK4TS PR4CT1C4LLY DROOL1NG P1TY OV3R YOU  
Thank You For Being Such A Great Friend To Them  
HOP3 TO T4LK TO YOU MOR3 L4T3R  
Agreed  
Happy Wriggling Day  
H4PPY WR1GGL1NG D4Y

==>

SO MY MOTHERFUCKING WINDYBRO  
i heard its your wriggling day  
AND I UP AND MADE YOU A CAKE  
enjoy it  
CAUSE THAT CAKE IS PURE FUCKING MIRACLES  
honk  
:o)

==>

BOY, YOU HAVE NOT INFORMED ME YOU WERE STILL ALIVE. CLEARLY THIS IS A MASSIVE OVERSIGHT ON YOUR PART. IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT PRESENTS ARE GIVEN ON BIRTHDAYS. THE DAVE BOY HAS ALSO TOLD ME THAT MANY APPLE JUICES ARE AN APPROPRIATE PRESENT. I DO NOT HAVE APPLE JUICES WITH ME SO I SHALL BESTOW UPON YOU A BETTER PRESENT.

JOHN WINDY BOY YOU ARE NOW THE VICE-MAYOR OF CAN TOWN. I HAVE ALSO MADE YOU A SASH. IT IS A VERY IMPORTANT POSITION. YOU SHOULD BE VERY HONORED.

NO YOU CANNOT BE THE MAYOR. I AM THE MAYOR.

YOUR DUTIES AS VICE-MAYOR ARE TO DO THE WINDY THING. THE WINDY THING IS GOOD. YOU SHALL START IMMEDIATELY UPON COMING TO CAN TOWN. THIS IS A FULL TIME POSITION AND YOU ARE EXPECTED TO DO YOUR DUTY WELL.

==>

yo john sup  
davesprite here  
though you probably guessed that  
i probably dont have anything new to say that no ones said before  
but fuck it  
happy birthday john  
bet youre sick of hearing that by now  
or reading that i guess  
yeah so anyway have fun on your birthday  
(the cake wasnt my idea just so you know)  
(but ok that was kinda hilarious and hella ironic)  
yeah  
happy birthday

==>

hey john!!!! happy birthday!!!!!!! now we're the same age again! :B  
im really sorry that i couldnt manage to prepare a real present like we used to do for each other before the game! but i hope that this is ok.  
its probably a bit silly of me to write a note since we can always talk to each other isnt it? :P  
but anyway! youre a really amazing friend and im glad to have met you and everyone else  
youre an awesome brother and im happy that we can be here together!  
thanks for not leaving me behind  
even though youd probably be happier with dave and rose and all the trolls over there im still glad you chose to stay here with me  
and im really happy to be here with you  
happy birthday little bro!!!!!!

p.s. i took a short nap a little while ago and i met someone who would love to give you a note too!! his is written on the back of mine!

==>

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON.

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE YOU. I AM SORRY THAT I CANNOT WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN PERSON. IT IS MY GREATEST REGRET.

YOUR SISTER TELLS ME THAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO SOME VERY DANGEROUS YET VERY BRAVE STUNTS SINCE WE LAST SAW EACH OTHER. SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT YOU FOUND MY BODY. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO EXPERIENCE THAT. IT SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED, AND I WISH IT HAD NEVER HAPPENED.

BUT WHAT IS PAST IS PAST. NOW, YOU MUST LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE, SON.

YOU HAVE ENTERED THIS GAME AND MOVED ONWARDS WITH BRAVERY. YOU HAVE SAVED AN ENTIRE PLANET. YOU HAVE SAVED A FRIEND FROM DARKNESS. YOU HAVE HELPED TO CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE FOR A CHANCE TO PROTECT YOUR FRIENDS, EVEN THOSE YOU BARELY KNOW. YOU HAVE GROWN INTO A STRONG, HONEST, AND LOYAL YOUNG MAN AND THOUGH I HAVE OFTEN SAID THIS, ALLOW AN OLD MAN ONE LAST INDULGENCE.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.


End file.
